The thing is you see what you want to see
and you hear what you want to hear - dig.—The Rock Man, from Nilsson’s “The Point”
In a famous story—which may or may not have really happened—William James, father of American psychology, recalls meeting a woman after one of his lectures who told him the Earth rested on the back of a huge turtle.
"But, my dear lady," Professor James asked, as politely as possible, "what holds up the turtle?" "Ah," said the woman, "that's easy. He is standing on the back of another turtle." "Oh, I see," said Professor James, still being polite. "But would you be so good as to tell me what holds up the second turtle?" "It's no use, Professor," said the woman, realizing he was trying to lead her into a logical trap. "It's turtles all the way down!”
Joseph Dunninger, a popular magician-mentalist who stunned audiences in the early days of radio and television with feats of mindreading over the air, signed off his broadcasts with these words: "For those who believe, no explanation is necessary. For those who do not believe, no explanation will suffice."
We live in an increasingly polarized world where the dividing line seems to run between belief systems that are not just diametrically opposed but hermetically sealed. Many on either side of the imaginary aisle have dug in their heels and have stopped listening to each other. Whose truth is true? More to the point, given the futility of trying to win a debate with someone for whom no explanation will suffice, who believes facts have alternatives, is there a way to change people’s minds other than arguing? What lies beyond belief?
For me, the way to other people’s hearts—not their brains, for the brain is useless when it comes to empathy—is better questions, and I don’t mean clever exercises of logic. Had I been in the room with the woman and Professor James in that apocryphal story, I would have asked the woman, “What brings you comfort that it is turtles holding us up?”
To the red-hat-wearing neighbor who avoids me because of the RESIST sign posted in our front yard, I would ask, “What would convince you that our nation is a kind and loving place in which to live?” If I could get Benjamin Netanyahu and Hamas in a room, I would ask, “Tell me. Is this what your loving God asks of you?” To the ICE agent: “Have you never been the outsider?”
I would work really hard on my questions, and I would try to always bring it back to love. Not everyone wants to have millions of followers on TikTok. Not everyone needs a three-bay garage. Not everyone wants to be a real estate mogul or President of the United States. But everyone, I am sure, wants to be loved. It’s the one universal we have. It’s something anyone could believe in. And it is the reason, and very likely the only one, that you and I and all the people you and I disagree with are here today.
On the campaign trail, Governor Tim “Coach” Walz liked to say, “Don’t leave anything on the field.” Don’t leave love lying there. Bring it into the day. May your questions leave no doubt in anyone’s mind that you care—and, more to the point, and despite your differences, that you care about them, too. Be unchangeably kind.
Unchangeable kindness and bringing love into every day, all day are both fine guidelines for life. They can help us maintain peace of mind, but I still find myself truly tested by the sheer savagery being conducted / condoned in our names / on our watch. Your RESIST sign and my Black Lives Matter sign speak to our concerns, but if I truly left it all on the field in activism to resist I'd have worn myself out before the end of January this year. I have to go back to a day at a time. Thank you as always. The turtle is simply splendid.