Where is love?
Does it fall from skies above?
Is it underneath the willow tree
That I've been dreaming of?
—Oliver!
When we seek out love, are we sometimes really looking for mercy? Compassion? And if so, why does that matter?
Love in its purest form is unconditional. I love you simply because you are here, not because of what you do for me, not because of what you have promised, not because you love me, too. I love you because I love you.
Mercy, on the other hand, might be defined as I-love-you-in-spite-of-what-you’ve-done. Here I’m not talking here about mercy at the level of clemencies granted by governors for prisoners on death row, which is a kind of mercy tangled up in all sorts of political and moral machinations. I’m talking about everyday mercy, bestowing compassion on another human being simply because it is what a loving person would do.
When my mother died last year at the age of 99, the priest who spoke at her funeral talked about my mother knowing she was a sinner but that in death all was forgiven, and she could enter the kingdom of heaven thanks to God’s mercy. I found myself thinking it was the other way around: that my mother had gone to heaven to let God know she had forgiven him/her/them for throwing so much mayhem at her during her long and extraordinary life. She lived and loved, and that was more than enough to earn her her very own cloud.
For that is how we know when we have encountered pure, unadulterated love. It is when we are esteemed not for who we are or what we are, but simply because we are. The stranger who greets us at a potluck as if we were a Hollywood star. The clerk at the counter who asks us how our day is going. The child who asks us to watch her do a backflip. None of them cares what we have done or even who we are or claim to be.
When you think about it, it’s remarkable how often we have such interchanges in the course of a day. Don’t dismiss them. They are not just chance encounters. There’s a certain kind of trust present, as if an angel might be nearby doing a bit of matchmaking, and it isn’t just love that may be at play. Because we are often lost in our own thoughts and preoccupied with the buzzing in our heads, these are also acts of mercy. Hey, you there, take a break—be human with me.
Mercy is merely kindness with intention. Compassion is kindness with understanding. We may not call these love, but rest assured that with love they share a common goal: that we experience heaven on earth. Now that you know, you’ll find it everywhere.
Mercy, Compassion, Kindness, Love - great way to start a beautiful day. I will carry the image of your long-lived mother perched on her very own cloud! May we all earn our very own cloud!